Monday, March 29, 2010

My addiction

I’m addict, addict of you
Baby, I’m addict of you

It’s raining over the window,
And you are flowing through my heart
I’m addict, addict of you
Baby, I’m addict of you

It’s raining over the window,
And you are flowing through my heart
It seems my heart
Knocking at your door,
Can you feel the beet or,
Listen to the knock?

It seems my heart
Knocking at your door,
Can you feel the beet or,
Listen to the knock?
I’m still waiting
With my all,
To see the door as unlock

I ‘m gonna miss your feel,
I’m gonna miss your touch,
Why test are always so tough!
But oh my baby,
I’m burning
Beside your door
With my all,
To see the door as unlock

It’s raining over the window,
And you are flowing through my heart
It seems my heart
Knocking at your door,
Can you feel the beet or,
Listen to the knock?

Saturday, March 13, 2010

History of my poetry

Year 2007, I was undergoing through one of my n-number of break ups (ironically with same girl). Thing were complete blue. I guess most of the guys undergo through this period, but just like all other guys, I also felt that my case is most critical and was able to found each and every reason to broken down.

You know, that time I was pretty GOOD BOY kind of person, I mean no fagging, no boozing and no flirting kind of guy (though I was always nice with girls:-P, but that’s complete different story). Though if now a day someone takes a look at me, he won’t believe, but trust me I started drinking after I moved to my workplace.

Oh, my thoughts are getting scattered, come to the point. Things were getting terrible day by day. Sometime I become bit introvert, so it became tough for me to get rid of my inside grime. Friend tried to console me in and out but that helped me nothing but increasing my pain. One after other sleepless nights spend but without any use. As I said before I was never in any sort of addiction and in that scenario also I didn’t opted for that easiest option, though I don’t know why.

I never thought of writing anything before this, but at that moment writing could be my only way to express what I want, what I don’t, what I feel and what I don’t want to feel.

I picked my pen n diary, start maintaining diary and shouldn’t tell lie, it really worked. I really felt relaxed after long days. Things continued for few days; yes friends, days only, not even a month. Somehow I started feeling things are getting monotonous and the weirdest part was it was not able to make me relax anymore. I took a turn and gave a glance at my diary, oh my goodness; I had written almost same thing in every pages…

Again I back to jungle. After few days somehow I felt my hands wanted to write something, but I was not at all interested in rewriting the crap diary thing and I gave birth of my first poem and I don’t know why and how but I felt relax.

Till then I never tried to write any poem, whenever my hearts tends to cry, that pain gives birth of a new poem. I never consider me as a poet or not even a person who can produce a single line. The reason is that I can’t write anything, it happens. Each single word I have given a birth, they all my waste of my scar. I’m so selfish, I never wrote a single line for a third person, because I cant write and because I am not a poet and poems are nothing more than my sweat or piss.

Still I don’t know why my friends like my poems, may be they find it too simple to tally with life or whatever….
But trust me; I don’t want to write anything anymore, I don’t wanna be any great poet or anything. I can write only when I’m in immense pain. I don’t want to give birth of any more poems that cost my unseen blood.

I want to be any one, I want to be a X-Y-Z, I want to be someone who fights for his career because someone waiting for him in home, I want be someone who face every problems with a smile because he knows by night he will get a center in the warm cleavage of his honey, I want to be a mango-people…

Am I too much demanding?

Friday, March 12, 2010

Why I'm ATHEIST

For last 18 long years I am an atheist. I can hardly recall something happened to me 18 years back. But I don’t know why, I can still remember the story that made me lead to a conclusion that I should be an atheist, and that is at the age of 5 (only, if you think so).

Though it’s not a real big deal to be an atheist now a day, but as the maximum number of people over world are believer, you can understand in a religious country like India, u are bound to face n number of questions when you declare proudly from the age of 5, “YES, I’M AN ATHEIST”.

Going to flashback, it was a movie, some religious movie, unfortunately forgot the name. There was a cruel, brutal landlord and one devotee of MAA KAALI. Obviously that landlord was an atheist. Something happened for few hours; by the end that landlord was able to see and feel MAA KAALI by his own and became a devotee, as well as he got rid of all his bad habits too.

As soon as the movie ended, questions started striking my child mind. A big “WHY SHOULD I?” I thought neither I’m that devotee who is desperately searching to find the Almighty (rather I can say he was so sure that almighty is their, he was keen to meet him) nor I’m that landlord who wanted to prove GOD is not their by using his power. I just don’t care who the hell that GOD kind of thing is. If GOD is so keen about me and he feel insulted with my attitude he can come and meet me. Obviously we can share a cup of coffee together.

Lot of water flown through Ganga, I grown up, attacking me for my atheism amplified. I stared finding more reason why should I believe in GOD rather than why I should not. But in vein, I hardly got any answer. A very common weapon of believer is “Do you have any answer how the universe formed”; I have a very simple answer,” NO”. I think its ridicules, few years’ back we didn’t had answer why rain falls, that time easiest answer was available. It’s GOD, who makes rain fall. My point is quite simple; it’s true that we don’t have answer of all questions in had, but it cannot be taken for granted that all the answer of unknown truths are GOD.

OK, I’m not here to prove the extinction of almighty, just wanted to share a pair of eyes that I carry with me.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

My first blog

Some sprinkled dreams… broken love… frustrated blue thoughts… born of some hopeless poems…. 6 strings…. Old Lenovo laptop, about to die…. Shit n shared broadband…. 4 mobile, all r bullshits, who knows the model no!!! Adidas body sprays n Gillette shampoo…. Long hair, RBK bandana, full weird beard… Specs -4.5, lens, sun glass… Jeans…. Music… microphone… Altec Lansing 4.1…. scattered CD, DVD, socks, t-shirts…. Scrambled bed-sit… one bathroom-one room…. vibration of mobile, though u r looking for me…..

No…. customer care… some bullshits in Kanada, who knows n who cares…..

Failure, irritation… torrent… download… lots of unthinkable thoughts… some scrambled unwritten confession… your face…..

Again cry… your smell… heart beat beneath dopatta-kameej-bra…. “U r crazy”, listen long back, distance of eye n pillow is zero, some water softening the zero distance…. Know u r not there, but telling to whom? U or me?

Logic… atheist… neither Antichrist nor Christ… hate all these drama…. Hate lies n liar… treat all saints as jerks…

Cry…. Notepad, pen… poem… songs….. Friends…..Tattoo... Rock…. Software engineering… AS400… code… my office… magnetic swipe card…. Abusing… stubborn… appraisal… idly- dosa- bada- sambar….. Sharadindu Bandyopadhay…. Satyajit Ray…. Metallica…. Fossils… whiskey glass… Airtel…. Your last birth day gift…. Sunshine, rain n their love, incomplete even this time also…….

One violet Fly Emirates flew away… left some silence…. Some unspoken thoughts….. Little bit desire, for little bit love…………….